A Manchester firm has discovered a way to grow hen’s teeth. Licensing this technology, we’ve decided to go further and offer to activate any crossover point in your genetic history that might have some utility. Want a complete coating of flagella and cilia? Done! Want to reproduce asexually? Done! Anything that lies within your genetic history is available, and as it already belongs to you there are no hidden licensing fees from de novo genetics used by such corporations as Face Maker’s to give you horns or a tail or other accoutrements.
Unlock your potential today! Limited time offer: for the first five customers, we’ll include some of our public domain DNA for free.
Due to recent research at the University of Florida, we’ve been able to accelerate our development of mutagens to enhance electric melee. This, of course, required some reverse-engineering of a hero with these abilities. We would like to thank The Vivi Sector Group for providing the subjects, enabling our department to accelerate from pre-production to market ready product. The abilities, in our case, include motivating brain cells to a quiescent stem-cell phase, and then to disperse throughout the body.
This, unfortunately, while it does not reduce the subjects reasoning capacity does interfere with many recent memories. Many of the subjects do not remember purchasing the mutagens which precipitated the move to cash up front, sedation of the subject throughout the procedure, and subsequent delivery of the customer to a convenient streetcorner still in a quiescent state.
After their initial release of news of human protein production in yeast, we are sad to report further developments.
Tragically, an employee who was not part of that particular lab took some of the yeast home for baking. The ensuing bread monster destroyed most of his home, and while the monster rampages through downtown the police and firefighters are still looking for the missing employee.
We at Arachnos Mutagenics cannot stress enough the importance of good quality control. With good quality control and appropriate safeguards, the bread monster would have been benign enough to tame and possibly bring in for experimentation rather than having to be crisped by gigantic toaster coils.
Please, put in safeguards. They’re the only thing between you and a rampaging bread monster.
As we come up on our current mutagen set releases, coded Version 7, we’d like to detail the origins of the “Slick” powerset currently in Alpha testing. Derived from microcrystalline wax structures in pitcher plants, the set is meant to compliment those mutants who either have a fire or plant component. It’s array of slippery effects (a fall-down ability, a mass area sliding ability, and so on) are well suited to those with control type abilities, or who simply think enemies slipping and falling is funny. Or who thinks bystanders slipping and falling is funny.
We’re currently looking for a better set name than “Slick” and the other proposal “Pratfall.”
At this point, due to several leaks ahead of the release schedule, that yes, there is a new movement power. It is based on one of the most knockback/knockdown resistant and efficient locomotion modes that exist. I wish we had been able to roll out the concept properly at the locomotion and biomechanics conference (“LOCOBICON”) but we’ve decided to release more information ahead of time. It will be available to those early in their career, it does cause a change of stature when in use, and it does entail the ability to move correctly on ice, currently the bane of any controlled movement type.
While our initial marketing campaign is underway (See the Press Release section) we thought we’d take a moment to expound on this growing trend of beta product releases to open public use and trial. We understand that currently the folks of Hero Corps have taken up the causes of several marketing units (Including us under our branch company “Harmless Innocuous Paragon Products Incorporated” or HIPPI) and distributed beta products both as recruitment incentives and at the behest (monetarily) of some of these companies.
While it is unkown when these changes might filter to the many branch outlets of the Hero Corps, we here at Arachnos Mutagenics can only hope that our customers take the opportunity to sample the high quality that makes up the AM way of life!
Magnets have no healing benefit, scientists have concluded. This should finally put an end to Crey industries magneto-induction health claims. The point of all this, we have learned, is to at first inure and then encourage people to purchase Crey devices that have been shown to put out eggregious amounts of interference and million gauss magnetic fields. Turning a liability into an asset; rather than their devices pulling at the iron in your blood, as represented in our recent studies, they claim that instead they offer health benefits.
Perhaps to those with too much blood… or too much money. We’re watching closely, Crey! The average consumer will no longer be your prey; instead they will choose the natural route. The route that contains radiation for the genes and balm for the soul knowing that one is still at one with the natural way of the world, rather than the subject of horrifying experiments involving cosmic energies!
The prevalence of urban coyote packs in the United States is on the rise, apparently, and we couldn’t be happier. They have become more nocturnal, and similar to their human counterparts have increased in population density upon moving to the big city. These prime examples of canine pluck and tenacity are truly representative of the American spirit.
This natural example of adaptive behavior serves as validation of our extensive use of coyote DNA in the past; although we still are partial to infected monkeys.
What about that doesn’t set your nerves atingle? The idea of Self Exploding Micro Capsules has finally reached the mainstream. Their concept of microscopic ones, however, are a new step up from our “Maximum Rapid Release” capsules marketed two years ago. Rumors persist that most of the Circle of Thorns still use them for purposes other than their initial intention.
Crey has corporate offices and laboratories in the Nerva Archipeligo as well. This is an external shot of one of two main office buildings. Unlike the Guantanamo style containment facilities in the main compound near the shoreline, this serves as a public face to the corporation. As such, our operative had to dodge around and through many of thier public relations personnel to get these shots. This is the right-hand tower when looking at their complex from the front. Within, the offices are relatively well-appointed if sparse. What caught our attention, however, was one of those interior elements in particular: An Arachnos Arbiter. While not entirely unexpected, as Arbiters are present in the offices of many corporations in the Rogue Isles including our own, it was rather shocking to find this Arbiter dealing in a friendly manner with Crey to the point of aiding them in vending their wares.
What startles us most is the apparent complete disregard for internal security, as once inside the building our operative was completely unmolested. This significant breach of standard security protocol either points to a complete disconnect between corporate and security functions, or in a more sinister manner points to a hubris inherent in the Crey corporate psychology.